i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
