you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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