Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
