Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
