girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
