i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
