the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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