a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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