Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
porn star boner night. come get it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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