you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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