May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
