I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
