he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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