Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
