Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
