I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
