I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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