Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My liver just broke up with me...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
