Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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