I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
