I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
