I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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