i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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