the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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