Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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