So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Enjoy the penises
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
