I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
