I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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