I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
