Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
