8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
