i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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