in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
