every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
