my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
