I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
