I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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