Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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