last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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