she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Girls should come with a carfax report
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
