the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and she was petting her beer can
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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