Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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