Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
