So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize