i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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