so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
