Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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