I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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