Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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