I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
