Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
