He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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