Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
