So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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