bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
