dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
