i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
