pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Welp...herpes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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