just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
