Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am available for nakedness
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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