Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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