Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
