If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
