I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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