So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
