if you like me you must not know who I am
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
