How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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