I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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