god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
