I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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