Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
