Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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