I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
my poor anus
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
