Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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