Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
