Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Bring me that man meat
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
