I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
