I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
