So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
