some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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